Monday, 22 August 2011

My faith in You..

There were many times in life when my faith in God wavered.
Each time, I never dared to take a step away from Him because of what others would think of me. Which made me question whether I had the 'right' type of faith to begin with. But more on that later.
Finally, there was once when I decided. I was tired. I was without hope. I just wanted out.
So I ran away. To the furthest possible place. Physically and spiritually.
After making that step, I wished I had taken that step way earlier.
Because I have never experience God's love in such a clear and personal way than I did on that journey running away from Him.
I ran from Him, only to find out that I ended up at an orphanage/children's home which was run by a pastor.
The irony - I couldn't believe it! I could not comprehend it at all.
And after that trip, each and every single time I feel that I am unconsciously slipping further from Him again, I know - I can never ever run away from Him.

Back to the question of how strong my faith was when I was a young child. I remember very clearly, writing in a little book that was very precious to me, about how much I love God. I must have been only about 4 years old. And growing up, I have never ever questioned God's existence. No matter how much my faith wavered, I have never questioned His existence. And it might be mind-boggling to some people, how I can believe in the existence of a God who you cannot see or touch. But He was the only one I had when I was growing up. There was no one else to turn to. When I had arguments with my mother, when I had difficulties in school, when I could not understand why my childhood was so different/difficult compared to my friends, who else did I have to turn to but God? He was there through it all. He saw my tears, He knew the deep deep pain I felt, the anger at the unfairness of it all, the hope that was crushed time and time again - He saw it all, and He gave me comfort which I could not ask or expect from anyone else. He brought me up, and He guided me and formed me into the person that I am today. I am not perfect, but I am His child. I am a happy person, and I still think the world is a beautiful place with wonderful people, because it was all created by Him.

My faith might seem simple to some people. So naive. But He is my best friend..and I will always love Him for being there with me through thick and thin. He is my God, my Saviour, my Friend.

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