Monday, 23 August 2010

Its getting close..

Some of the children have been asking me when am I going home to Malaysia. And when I say in about a week, they ask me "Why?? Why so soon? Why can't you stay longer?"...They have no idea how much it hurts when I have to say "I can't"..

I followed the children to Club Med last Tuesday which was the Indonesian Independence Day, because they were playing the angklung and kulintang there. I felt so so so happy to be able to go with them, and so proud when all the customers at the restaurant enjoyed the music so much. Everytime I hear them playing the instruments now, I feel so sad, because I wish I could continue to hear them play all the time..I felt so much like their older sister..

When I first came to the home as a volunteer, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know how much I would be able to help. But the longer I stayed, the more I wanted to be a part of the children's daily lives, not just stay there as a guest. And I think I can honestly say that I got what I wanted. I feel so much a part of the home now, it doesn't feel like I am leaving them. I try to help in the kitchen, I play with the little ones, I help the older ones with homework, I stay up and chat and watch movies with them, I even call Sandra "Mama" now!  It almost feels like I am just going home to do what I need to do, and there is this strange guarantee in my mind that I will be back. I do not know why. And the worst part is that when the children ask me when I will come back again, I can't give them an answer..and I can't tell them about this 'guarantee' in case things don't work out that way. 

I sometimes look at Sandra, at how happy she is, and I offer up a silent prayer for her that the Lord will continue blessing her so that she may continue to give her love to the children and spread the blessing to all those lives. 
When I look at Tommy, his sweet and gentle smile which can brighten anyone's day..I wish I was part of their family. When I look at the younger boys, like Franz and Wayan and Aldi, I just wish I could stay and continue to help them with their homework, to continue being their 'kakak'..When I'm helping the older girls in the kitchen, preparing the vegetables, or cooking, I feel just like one of them. When I look at the little boys and girls like Kristian, Krisna, Kenzo, and Deborah, I wish I could give them the love and comfort of a mother which they deserve so much. Each time I hold them in my arms and hug them, I want to tell them how much I love them..

I wish I could tell them how I feel, but I don't want to make them even I have to keep all this to myself..and my blog readers.. 

Love to all..pray for me that I won't break down and cry my eyes out this week!xxx

Sunday, 8 August 2010

I feel your pain..

Sometimes we meet new people and unexpectedly find a good friend. If I could write a list of the good friends that I love and cherish with all my heart, I think it would be a very very long list. I believe that good friends not only share joyful moments, but also the heartaches. I love it when my friends trust me enough to let me into their lives and share their sadness with me. And I have learnt that sometimes there is really nothing you can say to comfort them. That they too don't require you to say any wise words of comfort. For there are times when just your presence next to them, reminding them that they are not going through the problem all they need.

Saturday, 7 August 2010

Party for the children!

Last night all of us volunteers went to Carrefour in the morning to buy food and drinks for the party we were planning for the night. It went really really well!! We even had a 'dress code' for the children : Black/White.
We had the music on really loud, and we started dancing, and then there were games like Limbo and Musical Chairs..and there were prizes for the winners. It was just so wonderful to see the happy faces all around!

Deborah who is 8 months old is really growing so much day by day. Yesterday, as I was picking her up, she said "Ma Ma Ma"..and I was so shocked, because that was probably the first time she actually said something other than baby talk!! She is so sweet and adorable, we all love her so much that she's always being snatched from one person to another all the time.

I'm also getting really close to Sandra, who runs the children's home. Having been here for more than 2 months now, I am just more and more amazed at how well she runs the home. She doesn't limit the children with rules and punishments, and it is obvious that the children know and appreciate that a lot. They respect her so much, and it shows that you don't need to be feared to be respected. The more I witness how much difference the presence of true love for the children can make, the more I pray and hope that in the future, I would be able to be as good a mother as Sandra is to the children. That I wouldn't need to always be worried and shouting at my children for them to be disciplined.

I was speaking to one of the boys who has been in the children's home for about 6 or 7 years now, and the appreciation he has for the love shown to him and all the children was just so touching. He said that he has friends from other homes, and he himself has been to see some other children's homes, and he still thinks that Seeds of Hope is the best. He explained that he doesn't just say that because he lives here, but because he really means it. The other homes might have better facilities, or might be cleaner, but there is always a barrier between the people/family who run the homes and the children. They would have the children's quarters, and a separate place for the owners of the home, and the children wouldn't be allowed to go to their place. Whereas at Seeds of Hope, the children always come in after school in the afternoons and they wish Good Afternoon to Sandra(mama) and they sit down and watch TV with her!

I have never ever heard Sandra speaking loudly to them, or scolding them. Even when a few boys were being really naughty last week, the way that Sandra teaches them is so gentle, but SO effective! She doesn't shout at them, but she speaks kindly to them, and gets to the root of the problem rather than punish them without listening to their side of the story.

Its 3 pm now, I think I'll get back to the home soon and have a chat with Sandra if she is not taking an afternoon nap before getting ready for Youth meeting at the church in Denpasar tonight.

Till next time, love to all. =)


Thursday, 5 August 2010

After a longggg hiatus..

FINALLY....after a bit more than 2 months in Bali, I manage to get into my Blogger account and update my blog!!!! I can't describe how much I've missed blogging!! There are just some things which I can't make myself say on my Facebook update status. Some are too personal, that I only want the people who are interested enough in my little boring life to look in my blog to know.

So, I think I'll just give a very condensed version of my life for the past 2 months living in the children's home in Bali.

I got to Seeds of Hope Children's Home on the 1st of June, and the first week was really emotional for me. I felt so lonely at times, even though I was surrounded by 60 children all the time! I was feeling homesick, and I really wished I could talk to some of my friends back home..But thankfully, after the 2nd week, I got so much closer to all the children and the volunteers that I didn't feel so lonely anymore. I also tried to help around in the kitchen, play with the children, and started following the children to Youth meetings in church and worship on Sundays.

It was quite difficult speaking Indonesian at first, even though it was pretty similar to Malay. The intonation and the words they use in everyday life is so different from Malay! At first I could hardly understand when some of the children spoke to me. But last week, I was in Ubud, and a man there didn't believe me when I said I was Malaysian, because he said I speak Indonesian very well, and I even sound like a Balinese!! I was like..REALLY??? But anyway, I was really flattered, because it honestly wasn't easy at the start to speak Indonesian.

Now, I feel so much at home at the children's home that I know it is going to be SOOOO hard leaving. I am definitely not looking forward to it. And it doesn't help that people keep putting these ideas in my head that I could move to Bali!! I think I've learnt from the past few months that I should never say never..and I'm not saying that I will never move to Bali, because goodness, I DO want to. Badly. But I know in my head that now is not the time. I still have some things to settle in Malaysia before I can even start thinking about such a huge step in my life. Its just that I feel so much like an older sister for the children, and I know I can help them in my own way if I lived here...

There are too many things to say that I really don't know what to write! Now that I've found the password to my own blog, I'm gonna try to update more often with some daily events that happen at the home. Because there is always always always something going on there.

So stay tuned, whatever readers of my blog are left. =)