Saturday, 23 May 2009

Let us stand tall for Him

"I appreciated His stripes when I got my own"

These were words spoken by a former U.S. Air Force pilot who was captured and tortured by the North Vietnamese in 1966.

I was reading this article about how Christians viewed torture, and it tells us that a majority of Christians actually are not against torture. Most of them think that depending on the situation, torture is acceptable. Example: terrorist in country trying to bomb and kill many innocent souls, it is ok to torture them to 'dig' information from them.

I wouldn't say too much about what I think about this, because I need to study the Bible much much more before I have the confidence to take my own stand on some things. But anyway, back to the phrase by the AF pilot. This is one of those simple phrases which you read and it just hits you how true and meaningful it is.

Sometimes when we face difficulties, we have lotsss of pity for ourselves (I know I do). But I always forget that the Lord has suffered so so so much more than us, so much that it is immeasurable. Have I ever even tried to fathom the pain and sadness that He had inside when people rejected Him, when they spit on His face, when they tortured Him until His face was marred more than any man's?

I've always been very conscious of how people view me. And I do not like it when I know someone has something against me when I did not provoke him/her. But the Lord, He never hurt anyone at all. And the world was against Him. Even now, look at the number of people who sneer when they hear His name. He was the Son of God, the King of Kings - just stop for a moment and think about the immensity of this. I know this is a very childish way of imagining this, but imagine a king, with all his expensive clothes and good good food, and servants and everything he wants, he could have.

And now consider His willingness to come down to earth and suffer those sneers, torture, and then to die for us.

So now when you are 'rejected' by anyone, or if someone makes fun of your beliefs and stands, just remember - the Lord has suffered so much more for you. Now don't give up on your faith and stand tall for Him.

Monday, 18 May 2009

delirious happy silly times

My friend (Jessica, lol) came down to Birmingham and stayed for the weekend. Gosh everytime Jennifer, Jessica and I get together, there will surely be many many many laughs and silly stuffs! Always sad when we part. Need to get hold of some pictures from Jennifer and post them here. Some pictures of us some time ago =)

Dresses I love~

Friday, 15 May 2009

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

Priscilla Ahn - Dream

I had a dream

Priscilla Ahn - Dream

Found at bee mp3 search engine

This time, I'm not focusing so much on the lyrics of this song, rather I'm thinking about the movie which I got the song from, Bride Wars. The whole movie really portrays my view of my friendship with my best friend. But somehow, I feel that she might not view our friendship the same way. She's my best friend. But I don't think I am her best friend. Sometimes I really miss her. It does hurt when I see her pictures, and how she's happy with all her new friends, and it hurts that I realise that we are growing further and further apart from each other. We used to be so close, but not anymore. I just truly wish that we could go back to those times, but I'm being naive and silly. Maybe its a good thing anyway, since I might not be living in Malaysia in the future. Being so close and then leaving again is just too hurtful to her.

Sunday, 10 May 2009

The pieces will NEVER fit anymore

I can't remember the number of times I've said to myself, "Ok, write this down like you used to, and you'll feel better". But everytime I sit down and think of writing down how I feel, I just feel this void within me, and I end up just 'swallowing' my thoughts and feelings that I should be pouring out to..who? Who can I tell my innermost feelings to without caring what that person's response is, without worrying that I might cry, without wondering if what I'm saying is making sense. I suppose that was why I found having a blog very comforting, and why I'm back to writing.

Basically, I've been feeling homesick. I've come to learn that the word "homesick" is the closest word I can find to describe what I'm feeling, but that it doesn't even come CLOSE to describing this feeling that I have ALL THE TIME.

Missing those times when I could meet up with friends and chat over a cup of iced blended tea till 2am, miss those dinners far away with my family, miss my brother's lame lame lame jokes and him, miss my mom and everything she has done for us, her time, how special she is, her food, hate this feeling that I get every single time I watch a 'family drama' where everyone is so happy together, or argue with each other and make up after, hate it that I need to keep stopping myself from crying when I watch these dramas. I miss home, the building itself, and the area, miss the shopping complexes especially when I see friend's pictures in Facebook, miss my friends!!!!! I hate this feeling of feeling neither here nor there, hate this feeling of wanting to be part of their lives and yet not wanting to be because I don't want to hurt them or myself if I don't continue staying in the country. Hate it that I don't dare to drop my aunties too many e-mails because it would just make them miss me more. Hate it that I try to be bad at keeping in touch because I don't want to feel sad or make my friends and family feel sad. Hate it that there might never ever ever be a chance for me to be together with my mom, dad, and brother all at the same time. Hate it that I might not be able to feel that sense of "home" that I get when I go back home and see the little flaws that makes Malaysia, Malaysia. I truly hate it that I don't know what my life would be like just 5 months from now!!! I don't like the feeling of not being able to plan or daydream about my future. Hate it that I envy old couples who have been together for 30 years and still hold hands and continuing steadfastly for the Lord. I just hope I would be like them in the future, but I don't know! Hate it that I will need to say goodbye to my friends here. I want to live here, but can't I have everything? Why can't I have my family, my friends from back home, and my friends here, all together where I want to be, rather than where I'm obliged to go to? Why do I have to say goodbye to all the people I care about???? Why?!!! It hurts more when I know that I am going to hurt them! It just doesn't make sense that someone would want to leave everything and everyone they ever had, to go to a place where they have absolutely nothing and noone.

Who can stand by me through all of this and assure me that no matter what, he/she will be with me when I pull through all this? When I survive all this pain. I just need something to hold on to. I NEED something to hold on to!!! I need a sense of somewhere, someone. Right now it just feels like I'm floating, waiting..waiting..I don't know what for.