This is my God...

This is my God, the Servant, the King, who gave His life to rescue me..

My faith in You..

There were many times in life when my faith in God wavered.
Each time, I never dared to take a step away from Him because of what others would think of me. Which made me question whether I had the 'right' type of faith to begin with. But more on that later.
Finally, there was once when I decided. I was tired. I was without hope. I just wanted out.
So I ran away. To the furthest possible place. Physically and spiritually.
After making that step, I wished I had taken that step way earlier.
Because I have never experience God's love in such a clear and personal way than I did on that journey running away from Him.
I ran from Him, only to find out that I ended up at an orphanage/children's home which was run by a pastor.
The irony - I couldn't believe it! I could not comprehend it at all.
And after that trip, each and every single time I feel that I am unconsciously slipping further from Him again, I know - I can never ever run away from Him.


Back to the question of how strong my faith was when I was a young child. I remember very clearly, writing in a little book that was very precious to me, about how much I love God. I must have been only about 4 years old. And growing up, I have never ever questioned God's existence. No matter how much my faith wavered, I have never questioned His existence. And it might be mind-boggling to some people, how I can believe in the existence of a God who you cannot see or touch. But He was the only one I had when I was growing up. There was no one else to turn to. When I had arguments with my mother, when I had difficulties in school, when I could not understand why my childhood was so different/difficult compared to my friends, who else did I have to turn to but God? He was there through it all. He saw my tears, He knew the deep deep pain I felt, the anger at the unfairness of it all, the hope that was crushed time and time again - He saw it all, and He gave me comfort which I could not ask or expect from anyone else. He brought me up, and He guided me and formed me into the person that I am today. I am not perfect, but I am His child. I am a happy person, and I still think the world is a beautiful place with wonderful people, because it was all created by Him.


My faith might seem simple to some people. So naive. But He is my best friend..and I will always love Him for being there with me through thick and thin. He is my God, my Saviour, my Friend.

I'm not asking for too much. Please don't tell me that I need to reduce my requirements to dirt before I can find someone who is willing/able to meet them. I think I deserve at least that.

Tough week.

It's been a pretty tough week. It started off really tough, then it seemed to pick up in the middle of the week, but today was just really really bad. Mostly due to work, and a little bit due to me being paranoid about silly stuff.



But I'm looking forward to the weekend. We're going on a little holiday, which I'm going to be so thankful for :)


Hope your week was better than mine..

p/s: I went to a football match for the first time last night and it was amazing! Malaysia vs Singapore, and though we didn't win, I absolutely loved how everyone was so united. You don't very often get 85,000 people at the same place at one time, all wishing for the same thing. So here's to Malaysia, to Malaysians, and to the love for our country and for one another.

Other than you.

Every step of our lives is a decision we make for ourselves.
Will you take the reins of your life? Will you hold on tight?
When the strong winds blow and force you to let go, will you stand strong and fight for your rights?
Do you conform?

Or will you take each step with a bold heart and trust that whatever decision it is that you make, no one else is to say that you were wrong, or that you were right, other than YOU. 

Drained.

Drained of all emotion.
Hurt by someone who I never would have thought could hurt me.
Hurt by someone else who I allowed to hurt me.
Hurt by my past, and frightened of my future.
And hurt by the loss of hope in the possibility of that happiness.

This is the tired me, the one who has tried and tried and tried. Wanting to give up but knowing I could never give up.

I know it's not gonna be easy,

True love.

I don't dare to say that I know much about love. I am far from an expert on this topic, and who can blame me, I'm only a little girl in the world. I used to be a silly one, too. But slowly, I am learning the meaning of true love. I have learnt in the past year that love is so much more than sweet words from the lips of someone which give you butterflies in your stomach.


While I know that love makes us willing to sacrifice of ourselves for another person, have you ever had to give up on your own happiness for the good of the other person? What I mean to say is, have you ever been faced with a situation where the person has had to choose between his/her lifelong dream, or you?

I love many. I love easily. Just like how I laugh with all my being when I hear something funny, I also love with my entire being. If I love you, I am willing to let go of my happiness if that means that you are happy. I would want you to know that though I love you so very much, and there is nothing more that I want than to be able to be with you, there is actually something more that I want. And that is seeing you happy.

So if ever someone is uncertain whether to leave me behind to pursue their dreams, I would tell them "Please, believe me, just go." For the happiness that is awaiting you is so worth the sacrifice of not being able to be with you.

And once I realized this about myself, I think I can safely say that I do know what true love is now. I wish you only the best.

It doesn't get more international than this..

I went with my dad, brother and stepmom to KL today, for an event to celebrate the 113th Anniversary of the Philippines Independence Day. It was a wee bit different from how Malaysians celebrate our Merdeka Day (usually just sitting at home watching tv), but it was nice. There were performances by a few bands from the Philippines, and if there is one thing I must say about Filipinos, they can sing. I haven't met all that many Filipinos I must admit, but of all those whom I have met, they can really really sing!

So we were having a good time, just enjoying the music, when one of the bands started singing Waka Waka by Shakira. The last sentence in the chorus says "'Cos this is Africa!", and the band modified it instead to "'Cos this is Malaysia!". And at that moment, I realized how international we were. There was I, a Malaysian, attending an event to celebrate the anniversary of the Filipino Independence Day, listening to a song which was sung by a Colombian for the World Cup which was held in Africa, Malaysian version!

No matter how much violence and hatred we see in the world, we need to remember that there is still love in the world. That there is still peace among the chaos, there is respect between nations amidst the political unrest, and there is hope. There is hope that we can find in the faces of others, if we only stop for a moment in our lives to see it.