Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Dedicated to my Ah Kou..i love you very much..always have and always will

On the 18th of October, Sunday, my beloved Aunty Audri("ah kou") passed away in University Hospital at around 6.30pm. The cause of death was unknown, and as our whole family decided not to conduct a post mortem in respect of my aunt's wishes not to be operated on anymore, we will never really know why she left us so suddenly.

The wake was tonight. I felt it was really good. The atmosphere was exactly how it should be - happy, because my aunty is not suffering anymore, but at the same time we were free to shed our tears. The only hope that we have now is that my aunty is in heaven, where there are no tears and suffering, where she is now able to do all the things she wanted to do for so long but was unable to.

Not many people know exactly how close I was to my aunty. And to be honest, I felt hurt that some just seemed to sweep it off like it shouldn't affect me so much.

I grew up with my aunty. She is in my earliest childhood memories. She was there since I learned how to walk, how to talk, how to love. She taught me to be a good girl. All I can think about now are the times that we spent together when I was a kid. All those times....I will try to remember them till the day I leave this world too.

My Aunty Audri is much less fortunate than many of us. I always knew that she was different, but only tonight did I realise just how strong she was..and I regret not praising her for that before she left us. My aunty had rheumatoid arthritis when she was about 17 years of age.

As described, rheumatoid arthritis is a very serious condition which is painful and disabling. Only 1% of the world has this condition. While most of us probably look back to when we were 17 and smile at those happy times, my aunty went through such pain and suffering that we probably can't imagine even if we tried to. I am not certain, but I am quite sure that since then, all her fingers became crooked and her legs could never be straightened. Since she was 17, she was unable to walk properly, but she never gave up.

In 1985, my ah kou was hospitalised for 6 months to undergo a surgery which left her with 1 good leg(left) and 1 leg which was only a bone structure, her right leg. So when I was born in 1988, the aunty who I met and who I grew to love so much, was the lady with crooked fingers and bent legs. She was the lady who loved to cook, who hobbled instead of walked, and who loved to sing. I never once expected her to be anything else, because that was the aunty I was introduced to when I was born. I wish SO MUCH now that I could see her hobble around again, or like her latter years, push herself around on her wheelchair.

When we went out together, my aunty sometimes got funny glances from people around, but she never seemed affected, how she could be so strong and confident of herself is a wonder to me. People might think that she was disabled, that she was weird even. But never have I thought that my aunty was disabled. Because the "ah kou" I knew was the person with crooked fingers and legs, and that was what made her my "ah kou", she was perfect to me. A normal human being in my eyes. But now I think I might have been unfair to her for thinking like that. Maybe I could have done more for her to make her enjoy life more.

To be continued...

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