To my dearest grandma..

Yesterday, as I was driving back to Seremban to visit grandma, I suddenly remembered something which I said to her many years ago. I told her that I want to be able to give her some money each month after I start working. At that time, she seemed happy but sad at the same time, and she replied "I might not even be around anymore when you start working". Thankfully, I've had and still have the chance to keep my promise to her. I really thank God for that. 

Today, as we sat together, just the two of us, she told me that she wants to leave something behind for me when she passes on or when I get married. I couldn't help feeling sad when I heard that of course, but I was also happy. Not that I want her to give me anything, but because I knew that with her circumstances, her saying that meant that she knows how much I love her.There was once in the past when I thought that I was going to lose her. As I was feeding her in the hospital then, I just prayed and prayed that God wouldn't take her away so soon. And now, I wish so much that I will have the chance to bring someone back to meet her, to assure her that I have someone who is really good to me, who will take care of me always. And that she would be there to see me at my wedding, and hold my children in her arms. I love you grandma..

You don't get to choose who you fall in love with

"You don't get to choose who you fall in love with. And it never turns out the way it should" 

- Adam's father in "No Strings Attached"

image from tumblr

Under the Willow Tree 柳樹下

And for the 3rd post of the day, (do pardon the long long gaps between posts and now the sudden posting spree), this is a song which I'd like to share with everyone. Most people who know me probably know that all I hope for in life is to be happy. I only ask for a very simple life with my loved ones.  And this song pretty much sums it up for me.

Here's a beautiful song, and I hope that all of my closest and dearest friends will be blessed with such a happy and meaningful life.

A weekend full of new experiences

Last week I suddenly decided that I wanted to get away on my own and go somewhere. So I drove myself to Malacca. It was really nice to explore and to meet new people. That's one reason why I sometimes like to go places on my own - because when I'm in a group, its so much easier to just stick together and not get to know new people.

I made friends with the owner of the backpacker's hostel that I stayed in, and also his very scary-looking but actually very nice friend. We stayed up till 2.30am just talking about anything and everything. I also met my friend's family for the first time while I was in Malacca, and I loved the experience of the different culture of another race. They even invited me for the wedding of a couple who I didn't even know, and I actually went! I looked like an alien among all the beautiful people dressed up for the event, not to mention the different skin colour! But it was lovely how I was warmly received there and how good the food was!

Straight after coming back to KL, I went to a shelter home for children who were either abused by their parents or whose mothers were abused by their fathers. Once again I realised how much I really do love children. Slowly as I spend more time getting to know how children are, I realise that many times we mistake children for being naughty when they actually have their reasons for acting that way. Inside, they are all the same - vulnerable, innocent little ones who need the love and attention of their parents/adults to patiently teach them what's right/wrong in life and at the same time nurture their creative minds to explore the world and its possibilities.

So it was quite an eye-opening weekend, where I got out of my comfort zone and experienced new things and met new people. I'd really love to do this again. 

When I find myself feeling down and sad because of someone else's actions, I sometimes feel like giving up on me and telling myself in the face "Come look for me when you finally decide that you want to be happy!"

Because we can't control what others say or do to us, but we CAN control how we deal with their words and actions. No one can make you feel down without your permission.

This is my God...

This is my God, the Servant, the King, who gave His life to rescue me..

My faith in You..

There were many times in life when my faith in God wavered.
Each time, I never dared to take a step away from Him because of what others would think of me. Which made me question whether I had the 'right' type of faith to begin with. But more on that later.
Finally, there was once when I decided. I was tired. I was without hope. I just wanted out.
So I ran away. To the furthest possible place. Physically and spiritually.
After making that step, I wished I had taken that step way earlier.
Because I have never experience God's love in such a clear and personal way than I did on that journey running away from Him.
I ran from Him, only to find out that I ended up at an orphanage/children's home which was run by a pastor.
The irony - I couldn't believe it! I could not comprehend it at all.
And after that trip, each and every single time I feel that I am unconsciously slipping further from Him again, I know - I can never ever run away from Him.


Back to the question of how strong my faith was when I was a young child. I remember very clearly, writing in a little book that was very precious to me, about how much I love God. I must have been only about 4 years old. And growing up, I have never ever questioned God's existence. No matter how much my faith wavered, I have never questioned His existence. And it might be mind-boggling to some people, how I can believe in the existence of a God who you cannot see or touch. But He was the only one I had when I was growing up. There was no one else to turn to. When I had arguments with my mother, when I had difficulties in school, when I could not understand why my childhood was so different/difficult compared to my friends, who else did I have to turn to but God? He was there through it all. He saw my tears, He knew the deep deep pain I felt, the anger at the unfairness of it all, the hope that was crushed time and time again - He saw it all, and He gave me comfort which I could not ask or expect from anyone else. He brought me up, and He guided me and formed me into the person that I am today. I am not perfect, but I am His child. I am a happy person, and I still think the world is a beautiful place with wonderful people, because it was all created by Him.


My faith might seem simple to some people. So naive. But He is my best friend..and I will always love Him for being there with me through thick and thin. He is my God, my Saviour, my Friend.

I'm not asking for too much. Please don't tell me that I need to reduce my requirements to dirt before I can find someone who is willing/able to meet them. I think I deserve at least that.

Tough week.

It's been a pretty tough week. It started off really tough, then it seemed to pick up in the middle of the week, but today was just really really bad. Mostly due to work, and a little bit due to me being paranoid about silly stuff.



But I'm looking forward to the weekend. We're going on a little holiday, which I'm going to be so thankful for :)


Hope your week was better than mine..

p/s: I went to a football match for the first time last night and it was amazing! Malaysia vs Singapore, and though we didn't win, I absolutely loved how everyone was so united. You don't very often get 85,000 people at the same place at one time, all wishing for the same thing. So here's to Malaysia, to Malaysians, and to the love for our country and for one another.